


Dear Future-Bram

by Blonde_writer



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Future, Break Up, Dear future-me, E-mail, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-11-02 02:01:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17878985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blonde_writer/pseuds/Blonde_writer
Summary: Dear future-Bram,I hope you're well. Okay, let's be honest, it does feel a bit strange addressing you like this but as Garrett and I tested this, and it does work and I hope this message finds you well. Today, you (I? We? Ugh, whatever, your past-self) and Simon celebrated your eight months anniversary! <3Oh ,this guy, he makes me so happy and I can't describe how much he means to me. But I don't need to explain it to you, as you're me and therefore experienced (or rather hopefully you're still experiencing it?!) this amazing love. We had a lovely autumn stroll throw town and had an (almost obligatory) coffee at WaHo (do you remember WaHo? Is there a WaHo, where you live now?)____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________One morning, Bram wakes up and finds a new e-mail in his gmail. He doesn't check the sender but reads it anyway. Only to find out that this e-mail was written by himself. From the past. From a time when he and Simon were still happily together. Needless to say, but he's devastated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't a fantasy or weird time traveling fic. With the help of some websites (e.g. www.futureme.org) you can send yourself e-mails that will be send in whatever timeframe you choose. Like in 3months, 2 years or whatever. All you need to do is make sure that you still use this e-mail address by then.
> 
> English isn't my first language but I still believe to be decent enough to write this (and my others) fic. I hope you enjoy :)

Bram wakes up one morning and at first, he doesn't know what disturbed him. It's way too early to get up for work, the sun is barely rising, and his alarm hasn't rung yet. All he knows is that now he's awake and that he has a misgiving feeling that today isn't going to be his day. It even feels like he has already developed a headache. He fumbles for his phone on his nightstand and checks the time. The screen blinds his still sleepy eyes, so he squeezes them shut as much as possible but so that he's still able to read the time - 4.15 am.

Bram wants to throw his phone back on his nightstand next to his pile of books he wants to read but can't find time for. He's totally bugged out about this day although he can't even comprehend which day it is yet. However, while he's turning of the screen of his phone, he sees a little icon popping up in the top left corner. He has a new e-mail. The notification alarm must have awoken him. Without checking the sender, he opens the e-mail and at first thinks that it must be either a joke - a gut-wrenching, horrible joke - or a very, very bad and way too personal spam e-mail. 

He skims the content and is more confused than ever. What the heck?! Tears spring from his eyes and he wants to stop reading but can't. He realizes then that it is an e-mail he wrote to himself in the past. He remembers how seven years ago, when he was a senior at Creekwood High, he was sitting in Garretts room both with their laptops on ther laps trying to do their project when his best friend found this website where you could write an e-mail to your own e-mail address which would be delivered at your chosen date. He remembers them both laughing about this and that they sent themselves e-mails about this funny moment which was delivered only a couple of days later. At first, he found the idea of receiving an e-mail from the past creepy but when it turned out that the website kept their word and delivered the e-mail into the future, he developed an e-mail. It must be said that he was deeply in love with his then-boyfriend Simon - Oh Simon, his sweet little way too cute for this earth Simon. Therefore, he thought it would be a good idea to tell his future-self about their awesome relationship. Present-day Bram groaned and cursed his past-self. The wound in his heart, of which he had thought (hoped? begged?) to be healed opened again. 

But he couldn't help himself, he couldn't bring himself to delete the message before reading it word by word. Which basically means that with every word new tears spill over his cheeks. 

_Dear future-Bram,_

_I hope you're well. Okay, let's be honest, it does feel a bit strange addressing you like this but as Garrett and I tested this, and it does work and I hope this message finds you well. Today, you (I? We? Ugh, whatever, your past-self) and Simon celebrated your eight months anniversary! <3 _

_Oh ,this guy, he makes me so happy and I can't describe how much he means to me. But I don't need to explain it to you, as you're me and therefore experienced (or rather hopefully you're still experiencing it?!) this amazing love. We had a lovely autumn stroll through town and had an (almost obligatory) coffee at WaHo (do you remember WaHo? Is there a WaHo, where you live now?)_

_Anyways, live is quite good right now although it's a bit scary because we're all seniors now and life we know will change very drastically very soon. I'm scared about this. But it comforts me that this e-mail will be received by you who as already graduated from high school and college!!! Wow, Bram you must be a accomplished young man when you read this._

_The most fantastic part of my life is (who would have guessed) Simon. He's so adorable and funny and everything I need in my life. Honestly, I can't imagine life without him. I love how he always looks people a sec too long in the eye. I love how he gets along with mum (and I with his family vice versa). He's so mindful and just the sweetest guy ever. I'm not sure how I deserve him and I'm so proud of him for everything he went through to finally make 'us' possible._

_A couple of months ago, we went for it. I mean IT!!!! We were both so afraid to cross the line and get sexually involved at last. We could barely keep our hands to ourselves ever since. But I mean, sharing these unique and precious moments with Si is just the best thing in the world. And damn! That boy is hot. I mean HOT!!! He's the perfect mix of sexy and cute and I can't get enough of him to save my life._

_I just realized though that this message might find you in a time when Simon isn't a part of your life anymore. My heart breaks a little writing this. I can't think of a reason how this could be the case. But in case it is, don't mind me kindly asking you: WHAT THE HECK? WHY? WHAT WENT WRONG? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?_

_I very much hope so that you two are still a thing - maybe you're already married?! Congratulations in this case!! I don't know who would have made the proposal though._

_Nevertheless, in the most dreadful event that you two separated, I'm very sorry for my intrusion. But I still hope that even if you split up that you're still in each other's lives. If not your boyfriend, he still is an amazing human being and I just can't imagine life without him._

_So that is why, I list you every way to contact Si RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW:_

**_Mobile phone: +1 404 756 247_ **

**_His parents phone: +1 404 653 123_ **

**_His address: Simon Spier, 468 Post Farm Road, Atlanta GA_ **

**_Secret E-mail address: hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com_ **

**_Real E-mail address: si_spier.1998@gmail.com_ **

**_Instagram: Hour_to_hour_ **

**_Twitter: SimonSpier_ **

**_Or contact him on Facebook or even try to contact his sisters!_ **

_Just please promise me that if you're indeed separated: Please reach out to him. I don't know how long this hypothetical break-up might have occurred but anyway, please get in touch with him. On the one hand I hope that if you broke up that it happened long ago, so this e-mail isn't as hurting but this would mean that Si and I break up rather soon. So, on the other hand I hope that Si and I had a very long relationship ..._

_Nevertheless, I'm almost sure that all my worrying is for nothing and that in seven years when you receive this message, you will turn around in your shared bed and snuggle up against him._

_All the best, past-Bram_

Bram can't comprehend what he just read. His mind is empty, his ears swoosh. He can't think straight. All he can do is crying. He sobs and clenches his bed sheet in his fist. Hot tears run down his face and leave ugly traces. But he doesn't care. He couldn't care less about anything else in his life but the fact that Simon is missing in it. 

For the next hours, he reads and re-reads this e-mail, remembers all the details about their relationship, everything he loved and is now deprived off. He even opens his nearby laptop and goes through all his photos from that time. Something that he hadn't done for a very long time.

Si and he broke up in Sophomore year in college. They were both unhappy with their long-distance relationship and the overall situation. Maybe it was also the temptation of trying something new or the feeling of missing out. Bram doesn't know. It wasn't a bad break-up, it was almost mutual. "Almost" meaning that Bram could feel that Simon wasn't happy anymore in their relationship and therefore agreed to go separate ways just for the sake of giving Simon the chance of experiencing happiness again. Although, it meant that Bram would be miserable, heartbroken and hurting. 

They tried to stay in contact at first but when the first picture of Simon and another good-looking guy popped up on his Instagram Bram couldn't handle it and deleted Simons e-mail address, number and blocked him on Instagram. Something that he regretted soon after. He had also cut ties with Nick, Abby and Leah. Garrett was still one of his best friends but since he lived in New York and Bram in Tallahassee, even their interaction was rare. 

Bram doesn't know how he finally got up when his alarm went off, how he got to work or even how he survived these dreadful eight hours. At some point, it was 5 pm and he was able to go home.

Home was his sparsely furnished apartment in Tallahassee. He lived there for two years now but it still didn't feel like home much. Sometimes, he toyed with the idea to return to Atlanta to be closer to his mum or to move to New York to finally accept Garretts offer to become flatmates. 

This evening, Bram thoughts return to the e-mail every time, he tries not to think about it. But after some hours of debating with himself he concludes that he really misses Simon and that some time has passed since their break-up and his initial heartbreak.

So, he picks up his phone and opens Instagram. He enters his user name but apparently Simon has either deleted or changed it. Damn, Bram would have preferred to get a sneak peak of his life nowadays before tromping back into his life totally uninvited. 

Now the question is: Facebook, e-mail or trying his phone number? Bram doesn't really use Facebook anymore and he finds calling Si unannounced after all these years a bit rude. Therefore, he settles for the e-mails and more memories flash back into his mind. Their sweet love story started so promising. 

But somehow it feels right to initiate contact via e-mail, it feels like this is their medium.

For Bram it certainly is very hard to write this e-mail. He doesn't want to come across as the creepy and lost ex-boyfriend that wants him back. He wants the message to sound light and easy but still express his sincere wish to be friends again.

_Hey Simon,_

_how are you? I hope it is not totally inappropriate for me to reach out to you after all those years. I just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing. It's been a while since we last talked and I'm well aware that I was the one who broke off all contact with you. But nevertheless, I do hope that we could restore our friendship._

_All the best, Bram_

In the end, he settled for a rather short e-mail because he was afraid, he would give too much away if it was longer. He sends it to both the e-mail addresses and hopes that one of them is still active and that Simon would answer him soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the address and phone numbers I used are totally random. I just tried to stick with the area code and tried to find a possible address in Atlanta. However, they aren't intended to be real ones.
> 
> If you find any grammar or spelling mistakes , please don't hesitate and tell me.  
> And I'm very curious if you liked it! Please drop by in the comments :)


	2. Chapter 2

Bram doesn't know how he survives the next few days, but he does. Simon doesn't reply. He tries to push that thought out of his mind, but he can't help it. He knows that his e-mails went through to both of his e-mail accounts because Bram didn't receive a default-message. So, he hopes and begs that there will be an answer. After some days, he doesn't even care if it is a negative one, but he just wants an answer. He needs one. Because this not-knowing-things really bugs him. Bram knows that technically he was the one who ghosted on Simon roughly four years ago but still. He just wants to get an answer and he won't take the not-responding as Simons initial response. Maybe he's just busy.

On day four after writing his e-mail Bram is convinced, though, that for whatever reason, Simon won't answer him. He tries to come to terms with that although his heart shatters once more. 

He goes to work, chats with his colleagues and goes to soccer practise which he picked up as a balance for all the sitting in front of a computer all day. It's not like in college, where he was granted a full scholarship for his soccer playing and not even like in high school when it was still a pretty decent team. Now, they're a bunch of middle-old men kicking the ball twice a week. Bram is the youngest with his 24 years, but the older men still voted for him to be their captain. Sometimes, he even acts like their coach.

On day five, he doesn't even check his in-box.

He has a lunch date with a colleague from his department that day and tries to be appropriately excited about it. It's openly known that George, the guy he'll meet, is gay and quite interested in Bram. Although, Bram made it clear to him that just because they're both favouring men doesn't mean they've to spend time together, but George insists anyways. Over the last weeks, they even grew some kind of friendship. But they weren't that close that Bram would tell him about his first love - his only true love to be fair. 

"Hey, Brami-boy what's up? You look all gloomy. Is it that horrible to have lunch with me?", asks George with puppy-eyes only very confident people can pull off because they know that it is, as a matter of fact, not horrible to have lunch with them.

Bram looks up from his pasta with salmon. He has to admit that he wasn't listening to what George has been talking. Usually, it is mostly about their workload as lectors in their publishing house. His colleague likes to complain about all the nonsense drafts they have to read from "those so-called wanna-be-writers." Bram has told him more than once that he doesn't mind reading other people’s stuff and that often enough they were really good. He enjoys his job and is glad to have landed there. His profs in University weren't especially encouraging his major in English. They've told him repeatedly that there's no money in that. They were less worried when Bram mentioned that his minor was in management. But emending other people's grammar mistakes was his daily hobby anyway, so why not turn it into his job, right? For sure, he wouldn't become a billionaire in this field, but he does make a rather good living. 

"Hello-o?" George waves his hand in front of Bram. "Somebody at home? Seriously, Brami-boy you're even more spaced-out than usually. And that means something." He grabs Brams free left hand and looks him deeply in the eye. Or rather he tries to, but Bram pulls his hand away immediately and avoids his gaze. 

"It's just ... you know ... Ah, it doesn't matter." It just doesn't feel right to share his thoughts about Si with George. They're way too precious.

"Brami-boy ..." Oh, how Bram hates this utterly ridiculous nickname but George wouldn't stop using it. "You can talk to me. You know that." George gives him his most encouraging smile, but Bram just can't. He doesn’t even know if he considers his colleague as a real friend yet, so there's no way, he'll talk with him about his feelings. Especially, since George himself might have feelings for Bram. How those could have been developed, Bram has no clue, he wasn't particularly likable towards him.

Bram decides that he'll call Garrett later today.

Luckily, it is soon time to return to work, so they quickly pay their bills - separately of course - and walk back while George is talking about his newest piece of shit (his choice of words): "It reads like a twelve-year old wrote a fanfiction. And not one of those really talented twelve-year olds, just an ordinary one". Bram mostly nods but silently disagrees with George. He sometimes writes fanfictions himself and would never describe anything as a "piece of shit", he knows how much time and effort are poured into every fanfiction or original work. Sometimes, he despises George and his opinion.

The rest of the day goes by as usual without much distraction. While reading a few pages of a new manuscript, he digresses and thinks about his love life since moving to Tallahassee. He dated a guy a couple of months, when he just moved here, who from an objective point of view was perfect. He was a geography and P.E. teacher, handsome and a few years older than Bram. They hang out together a lot and shared some nice memories but when it moved to something more serious, Bram felt not able to fully commit himself.

Nevertheless, he was lonely. Therefore, he downloaded a dating app and met with some men his age but except for some nights resulting in a pleasureful outcome, nothing real came about. He also realized that this lifestyle wasn’t for him. So, he deleted the app and thought that one day he’ll surely would fall in love again. So far, he didn’t.

Later that day, when he is binge-watching Sherlock Holmes on Netflix, his phone buzzes but thinking it is probably just George again, he ignores it. He can answer his messages tomorrow morning, he thinks.

He checks his big clock over his wooden eating table and decides that 22.37pm is a good enough time as any to go to bed. Concerned about George calling and texting him all night, he decides to leave his phone in the living room.

At work the next day, he realizes that he forgot his phone where he left it the previous night and is slightly annoyed that he can’t plug in his earphones to listen to some instrumental background music while correcting some works. He has an itching feeling in his hands all day and is happy when he can call it a day and arrives back home.

There, he finds his phone under a cushion on his coach. He immediately sees the yellow blinking which indicates a new e-mail. A new e-mail!! He knows that it’s probably just a spam mail, but he feels his heart beat faster and his hands get sweaty. It’s the sixth day since writing his e-mail to Simon.

_Dear Bram,_

_I’m honestly so happy to hear from you. Seriously, I couldn’t believe it, when I received your message. I probably checked 5 times before I was convinced that it really must have been you, who wrote me. It’s quite the opposite of impropriety for you to reach out._

_I was wondering what you’re up to these days and was shocked to find out that neither Nick nor Abby have heard from you either._

_I don’t really know where to begin to ask. Four years is a,god damn it, long time not to hear from someone, who was so important in my life. So, tell me, how are you? Or almost as important: WHERE are you? Nobody knows where you moved after college. Except Garrett, maybe, but he wouldn’t tell._

_Keep in touch, Simon_

He was angry, Bram could tell by how he finished this message. Maybe he was to some degree glad that Bram had contacted him, but he was angry for being ghosted by Bram, nevertheless.

Bram, on the other hand, is just relieved that Simon actually answered him. There now is a way to contact his Simon again. He re-reads his message many times but can’t really decide how to reply. Maybe, that’s what took Simon so long, too. His mood drops significantly, when he reads that he **was** important in Simons life. He knows he messed up big time when he disappeared all those years ago but can’t not hope to still be important to Simon. Like he still is for Bram. While staring at his phone and trying to come up with a suitable answer, his phone vibrates again and he receives another e-mail.

Only then, does he realize that Simons responses aren’t send from his official email address but from his secret one. The one that they both used so many years ago as Jacques and Blue. It’s still active and apparently Simon checks it every now and then. Brams cheek flush although he knows that nobody sees him, and his tummy makes a somersault. Maybe, Si actually waited for him to contact him again. Even more blood rushes to his cheeks.

The new e-mail says:  
_Hi Bram,_

_I’m a little worried about you not responding. I know it’s just a little under 24 hours and maybe you’re just busy. And to be fair, I know that it took me much longer to reply to you. I might just be a little anxious about hearing from you. It’s been so long, so much happened in the meantime and it’s strange not to have you in my life. Also, I know that Nick, Abby and Leah miss you, too._

_Si_

Bram can’t handle it. He smiles from ear to ear and feels his cheeks redden even more. He probably looks like a velvet cake by now. His Si replied and he even worries because he didn’t immediately answer. He knows why though. The ghosting on him, possibly wasn’t easy for Simon either, although he posted the one picture on his Instagram that Bram just really couldn’t handle and therefore deleted and blocked Simon everywhere. He was just hurt seeing Si with another really good-looking guy. It made him want to throw up instantly.

But back to the e-mails, though, he has no clue how to response. It’s not like his life stopped since breaking up with Si, only his love life maybe, but he doesn’t want to tell him everything just via e-mail. He wants to see his face, his reaction, he wants Si to look into his eyes far too long and hear his silly but cute jokes.

Oh gosh, Bram thinks, what if his boyfriend would have something against them meeting? Does Si have a boyfriend? By the age of 24, he could even be married. Brams heart cringes. He needs to find out, about Sis relationship status before he answers him.

He grabs his phone once again and opens Instagram. Okay, obviously, Simon changed his account name, Bram already knew that. But maybe Bram can figure out to what he might have changed it. He tries umpteen variations. Various short quotes of his favourite songs, singers and movies. Nothing. He tries every possible combination of Si, Simon, Spier, his birthday, his name and his favourite band but he can’t find him. After a while, he realizes that the mere amount of possibilities is too much. Instead, he enters Leahs old account name but to no one’s surprise, it’s on private mode. He can’t figure out Nicks or Abbys Instagram name and wonders if those two are still a couple. They could be married, too, without him knowing. He recognizes that shutting himself away from almost all his high school friends wasn’t his best decision. He not only misses Simon but all of the others, too.

He searches Garretts account and remembers that he meant to call his best friend the other day but forgot. He’ll do it later today, he once again promises himself. But Garretts account isn’t much helpful. It’s full of pictures of him playing soccer, posing in front of various skyscrapers in New York and party pictures. Bram decides to look into Garretts followers but soon gives up because he has gathered more than 2k. Frustrated about his lack of information about Simons (love) life, he returns to answering Sis e-mail.

_Hey Simon,_

_I know that I have to apologize for my behaviour in the last years. I thought about all of you a lot …_

_Anyways, I’m good and hope you’re, too? I moved to Tallahassee after college and work as a lecturer in a publishing house. Where do you live, now? I hope life is good for you._

_Maybe, it’s possible for us to meet some time soon? I would very much like to re-connect and know what you’re up to. But I would much prefer to do so in person than via e-mail._

_Bram_

His fingers are shaking while writing the last paragraph, what if Simon declines?

He fumbles with his phone, anxiously waiting for a response but understands that there probably won’t arrive one in the next few minutes.

So, he decides to call Garrett instead. But he doesn’t answer him, so instead he cooks himself some chicken with roasted potatoes and makes himself comfortable in front of his tv and continues watching Sherlock Holmes on Netflix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was blown away by your demand for more chapters, so I happily returned to this work and hope you like this chapter, too. I hope the cliffhanger in the end isn't as badly as the last one but I still have to decide how I will continue.  
> Also, at some point, I should probably invest more time in my bachelor thesis which is due in some weeks but hey if I have the choice between academic writing and writing fics, what do you think, what I'll prefer? ;)
> 
> Please, leave some comments and tell me what you like or what you think will be the Simons answer :)


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, dude. I saw you called yesterday. I meant to call you earlier but I was super busy and then I forgot, sorry bro. What's up?", Garrett asks Bram at the beginning of their conversation.

"Ugh, nothing really. I just wanted to check on you. How did your latest pitch go?" Of course, that isn't what Bram really wants to talk about but as a kind soul, he always checks on his friends first. Also, he doesn't really know how to start the conversation about his real reason behind his need to talk to his best friend.

"Yeah, it went well but I didn't hear from them yet. So ... Yeah, I'm sure they'll come around and choose my studio for their production." Garrett works in a big movie producing studio and regularly has to meet people and advocate his companies pros. Something that Bram wouldn't want to do to save his life - talking to strangers on a daily basis. He prefers the written world, where all his critics either land on the side edge of the manuscript or in the e-mail folder of his clients. He established that clients rarely call him. 

But he very much appreciates the differences betweeen Garrett and himself. It almost always gives him a new perspective on things. Additionally, Garrett is the only other person aside from his mum that he actually enjoys talking to over the phone. 

They continue talking about their new projects at work for half an hour until Garrett insists on knowing the real reason behind Brams surprise call. Normally, they agree on a certain day to call each other. 

"It's ... ugh ... Okay, you know me too well. I should establish random callings between us, so that they don't immediately set you on alarm mode."

"... okay?"

"..."

"Bram, I'm waiting. And I'm actually freaking out a little because you won't come out with it already. Do I need to worry?"

Bram gulps some air and mentally prepares himself to talk with his best friend about his e-mail exchange with Si. Damn, it's not even such an important topic. Except it is. For Bram at least.

"Okay, so this is totally random but do you remember the day roughly seven years ago, when we were at your place trying to do some homework?"

"You are kidding me, right? You must have been over a trillion times."

"Yeah, I know", Bram chuggles, as a teen he almost lived at Garretts place. "It's just, that one time you found that website, where one could send oneself e-mails into the future."

"Ahh, yes. Somewhere hidden in the dark matter of my brain, something rings a bell. But that, as you mentionend, is SEVEN years ago. How does it relate to today?!" Bram can imagine how Garretts scretches his chin and almost hears the wheels in Garretts brain start turning. 

"Well ... A couple of days later, I wrote myself another e-mail which was delivered a couple of days ago. And back then, I was still with Simon ..."

"Oh." 

"Yep." Bram closes his eyes and tries to calm down. He tells Garrett the details of this e-mail and that he contacted Simon afterwards and even received an answer. 

“But that’s good news, right Bro? I mean, in the beginning, I completely understood why you cut contact and all but to be honest, I thought that that went on far too long by now. So, what next?”

“We want to meet …” Bram chews on his lips throughout the whole time and tastes the blood already.

“And? … Where’s the problem?”

“Well, I live in Tallahassee …”

Garrett interrupts him: “Which you hate, by the way. Sorry, didn’t mean to barge in. Go on.”

“Yeah, well that’s another topic”, Bram continues reluctantly and can almost feel how Garrett rolls his eyes. They had many discussions about his new hometown. “Simon stills lives in Memphis and we tried to arrange a meeting but couldn’t agree on a date.”

“You two seem to have texted quite a bit, haven’t you?”, Garrett teases much to Brams unease. “Well, I know that he’s quite busy right now but he’s here in New York in … wait, let me check … three weeks.” While he was pulling his phone away from his ear to check his calendar app, Bram could hear some noises that are very uncommon for Garrett and his surroundings.

“Was that a cat in the background?”

“What? Yeah, maybe the neighbour’s cat, don’t know. Anyways, did you hear what I said? He’ll be hear the third October weekend and you could come over, the two of us have a great time and at some point, you two can meet.”

“That’s actually a really good idea. How do you know, that he’ll be there?”

“Nora told me the other day …”

“Wait! Nora? Simons little sister? How… I mean, since when are you friends with her?”

It takes Garrett a couple of seconds to answer, and in the meantime, Bram hears the sound again. Meow! That’s definitely a cat. And it’s fairly loud, so Bram doesn’t buy Garretts story about it being the neighbours’. It’s much too loud to come from another flat and Garrett doesn’t have a balcony.

“She moved to NY some weeks ago and Simon asked me, if I could help her and be her mover since he couldn’t come and all. She actually doesn’t live too far away from my place, either. At least for New York standards.”

Garrett laughs in the end. “So, is it set? You come here three weeks? Actually, forget it, I won’t take a no as an answer. It’s been way too long since you came here. Text me with the flight details, later.”

Bram promises to look into possible flights right away and then, they hang up and Bram flops onto his couch and can’t wipe his grin of his face. That kills two birds with one stone.

Hours later, he has booked a flight that arrives Friday night and another that leaves Sunday afternoon. He can’t quite comprehend that he’ll see Simon, which he hasn’t seen in four years in less than three weeks. THREE WEEKS!!! Bram already knows that he’ll be a total mess when they’ll finally meet again. He likes the idea of having Garrett as his supporter there the whole time.

He’s so happy about it that he completely forgets to tell Simon about all of this until three days later.

They don’t text on a regular basis and Bram is fine with that. He doesn’t want to talk about the important stuff via e-mail and also don’t want to exchange mere small talk and superficialities.

When he finally remembers to make sure Simon is fine with this arrangement, he doesn’t receive an e-mail for days. Doubts nag on his mind and he can’t shake them off. What if Simon didn’t want to see him that soon? What if he needs more time to mentally prepare himself? Okay, Bram doesn’t really think that’s the case because Si always was the braver one of the two. But what if Simon just wanted to hang out with his sister without being interrupted by his high school ex-boyfriend? Brams heart cringes by the very idea of that.

Just when he’s worrying about all this stuff, finally an e-mail from Simon arrives:

_Hey Bram,_

_That’s a fantastic idea. I like how this all works out. The three of us didn’t make any particular plans yet for the weekend, so we can easily find time to meet you. I guess, you’re staying at Garretts?”_

_C U soon, Si_

**The three of us,** is all Bram sees. Three? Why three people? Bram thought that only Simon is visiting Nora. Not a … Bram finds it even hard to think about it … not Simon and his boyfriend. Garrett didn’t say anything about Simon being in a relationship or that this potential boyfriend would tag along. Okay sure, Bram didn’t explicitly ask him, but he thought his best friend would remember to tell him such a significant detail. What a nightmare. Bram doesn’t think he can handle seeing Simon with someone just when he first meets him again.

Later, while he’s showering after soccer training, he realizes that maybe Simon just meant Noras partner. He doesn’t know if she is seeing someone but the small chance that this is what Simon meant eases his mind a bit.

Damn it, Spier, can’t you just choose your words more wisely? It's not often that Bram curses, but right now he needs to blow of some steam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the new chapter :) I, originally, wanted make this one longer but I still need time to figure the details of the last chapter out. Maybe, I'll adapt the chapter count to five chapters, I'm not sure yet ;)
> 
> As always: Please let me know what you think about this chapter, what you like/don't like or leave any tips or recommendations :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me sooo long to update this fic. I thought about it all the time and really wantd to get back at writing it but life was really busy, so I got held of. As a consolation, this is an extra long chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

It’s Friday afternoon. But like _the Friday afternoon_. Today Bram will fly to New York to meet his best friend. And, more importantly, his high school and college ex-boyfriend. He has packed and unpacked his backpack like a million times. He didn’t book extra luggage because he figured that he’ll only be there two nights. What he didn’t think of though back then, was that he couldn’t decide on an outfit. He normally doesn’t overthink his looks too much but this is something totally different. He’s about to meet Simon again after all! He took the day of because he would have to leave early anyways. So, he has enough time to eat breakfast, pack his cabin baggage and go to the airport. That’s at least what he thought. In reality though, his flight leaves in less than three hours, he only had a coffee in the morning because he couldn’t eat a thing and he throws the fourths possible top for Saturday on his bed. He cringes. Why is it so hard to decide on what to wear? It’s not like the outfits don’t look really similar anyways. He’s about to give up when his phone rings. It’s George. Bram is already stressed and doesn’t want to talk to him, so he just ignores the call. But he can’t bring himself to decline and hang up. So, his phone rings and rings. It’s really annoying.

Bram stares at the numerous possible outfits. So far, he picked a pair of sand coloured chinos, blue jeans, a thin black and white striped sweatshirt, another white sweatshirt with narrow red stripes, a light grey hoodie and dark blue long-arm shirt. He figures that the ladder is too formal, so he thoughtlessly throws it back into his closet. Okay, let’s one by one minimize the options. He, then, looks at the jeans and pair of chinos. He knows that Simon used to admire his well-trained soccer calves. He smirks, the chinos are more slim fitting and should highlight those. He puts the jeans back in his closet. The black and white striped sweatshirt just doesn’t seem fitting for the occasion. He closer examines the hoodie and the other sweatshirt and notices some tiny holes in the hemline of the ladder. Although, he knows that nobody would detect those, he throws the sweatshirt on the pile of clothes next to his bed. He looks at his now chosen outfit and his quite happy with the choice. Blue chinos and a light grey hoodie – perfect. It’s casual but not too casual and it basically screams Bram. It’s how he feels the most comfortable and he’s sure that he’ll need some extra confidence when meeting Simon. He checks his watch and realizes that it’s 13:30am. His flight leaves in two and a half hours. And he still has to pack his washbag, find some clean underwear, download an audio book, eat something and get to the airport and through the security check in time. He feels the stress creep in and is almost certain that he’ll have a headache soon.

Surprisingly, he makes it in time to the airport although it’s during the afternoon rush hour. He passes the security checks without any hassle and strolls to his gate. His earphones are already plugged in, so he doesn’t notice the hustle and bustle around him. He wants to turn off the music and switch to his audible when he notices a newly received message. It’s from his boss, Mrs. Gregor. She informs him that he’ll have a meeting with an author, she wants to welcome in their publishing house, Monday morning. He knew that taking a day off would result in him working over hours the following week. There just isn’t enough staff, but he had hoped to have an easy Monday. Depending on how the weekend would turn out, he would need one. Instead of replying, he closes his messenger app and turns on his audible – Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. When he’s going by plane, he always listens to Harry Potter. When he was a child, he would always listen to the audio books on repeat before he went to sleep. If he finished the seventh book, he would just start with the first one all over again without getting bored. Nowadays, they help him to relax and calm his fear of flying a bit. He’s not totally freaking out when boarding a plane, neither when he’s up in the air, but the departing and landing part gives him great anxiety. The familiar story smoothed his soul.

It isn’t a particular turbulent flight but Bram is nevertheless relieved when he’s on firm ground again. Because of his lack of extra luggage, he’s out in the arriving area of the New York airport within minutes.

He spots Garrett within seconds, it’s not easy to overlook this tall and brawny guy. But Garrett doesn’t notice him.  He grins at his phone in his hand and probably watches one of those dumb skate fail videos. He’ll never grow up, Bram thinks smirking, same ol’ Garrett. He loves that.

When he wiggles himself through all the people standing around and comes closer to his best friend, something odd sparks his eye. Garrett is wearing a scarf. In early October. Okay, maybe for other people that’s nothing out of the ordinary but Bram remembers wicked fights between Garretts mum and Garrett in the middle of January because the ladder just didn’t want to wear a scarf. Like never. He always claimed that they were too itchy and that he could stand feeling “like being strangled”.

But there he was: 24-year-old Garrett Laughlin, producer at day, part-time DJ at night wearing an anthracite coloured scarf around his neck. Truth be told, it does look rather soft, Bram had to admit. But still, something just feels off.

“Heyy Dude”, Bram jokily punches Garrett against the shoulder, when he was standing right next to him and still wouldn’t even look up. “Didn’t you miss me?”

A bit startled by the sudden interruption, Garrett quickly stuffs his phone into his front pockets and gets up wrapping Bram into an embrace.

“You wish!”, Garrett laughs and turns to leave the airport.

“Are you sick?”, Bram still can’t comprehend that he’s for real wearing a scarf. It’s not really cold outside, not even in New York.

Garrett turns to Bram with a confused look in his eyes: “Why would you come to that perception?”

“Ugh, you are wearing a scarf?! I mean, we’re friends for how long now? 15 Years? And have I ever seen you wearing one without your mother basically pinning it onto your neck? NO!”

By that, Garrett blushes. He blushes!! Wow, this is almost as rare as him wearing neckwear.

Bram furrows his eye brows together and tries to get a grip of what is going on. Meanwhile, Garrett is scratching his neck, trying to come up with a plausible answer.

“Well, people change. It’s actually not that bad after all. Here, feel how soft it is.” He handles Bram one end of the fabric. It _is_ incredibly soft. 

“Yeah, well they do but there’re some things that 100% never change. Like being a cat of a dog person, politicians being dumb, preferring Apple or Windows and YOU HATING SCARFS!”

Garrett laughs it off and they throw some more scarf related jokes until they reach the subway.

It takes them more than one hour to finally arrive at Garretts flat in Borough Park, Brooklyn. Garrett lives there for some years now, since he finished college and decided to leave the shared flat and live on his own. Although it’s one of the cheaper neighbourhoods in New York it’s still quite pricey. But he’s convinced that he made the right call moving out two years ago. However, he still wouldn’t mind sharing the flat with Bram.

“Wanna have a beer?”, Garrett is already in the kitchen and opens the fridge. “We do need to go shopping, though, if we wanna cook something tonight. Or we could just go out. There’s a great Thai restaurant just down the street.”

Bram follows him through the small living room, where the pull-out couch stands, where he’ll sleep the following nights, to the comparatively kitchen. He immediately notices the flower bouquet on the old wooden dining table. They’re pretty but doesn’t seem to fit in the rather chaotic and practical furnished bachelor-flat. But well, as Garrett put it: people can change.

“I’m not really in the grocery shopping mood. Thai sounds great to me. And yes, I’d like to have a beer, thanks.”

Garrett takes two bottles out of his fridge and moves into the living room. They flop onto the couch and silently take their first sip. Garrett turns to Bram.

“So, you texted Simon?”

Bram almost chokes on his drink, he didn’t expect the conversation to turn to this topic so quick. After he gets his breath back, he just nods.

“And now you two are going to meet each other tomorrow.” Again, Bram just nods.

“Okay, I see. Your tongue needs some more alcohol to loosen up.” That’s want Bram likes so much about his best friend, he doesn’t push him and detects when he isn’t ready to talk about something. He’ll talk about Simon with Garrett, of course he will, just not yet. He doesn’t necessarily need alcohol for that, he just needs a little bit more time to get his mind in order. They sit in silence for a little while, both lost in their own thoughts.

After a while, Bram puts down his bottle and eyes Garrett. He’s still wearing this scarf, although it’s like 20°C inside.

“So, what’s new in your life, though? Last time we talked, it was almost all about me … and Simon. How are you, really?”

Now it’s Garretts turn to look away. He fumbles with the scarf and exhales noisily. Is he nervous? He plays with the scarf and in doing so, he accidently pulls it a little bit down. And exposes parts of his neck.

Huge red and purple bruises decorate the left side of his neck.

Bram inhales sharply and in one swift move pulls the scarf off. The whole neck is covered in what appears like to be quite passionately given love bits. Garretts face is lit up like a tomato.

Now it all makes sense, Garrett isn’t the type of guy who would display hickeys in public.

“What the hell?! Come on, Garret. Spill, dude!”

“It’s … ugh … well, you’ll find it out soon, anyways.”

Bram rises his eye brow. What is he talking about?

“Remember when I told you that I helped Nora move here?”

“Ugh, yes? But what does Simons little sister have to do with this?”

Garrett roles his eyes and looks at him like he’s expect something. Like he thinks it’s so obvious what he’s about to say. But Bram just looks at him. How should he know, what’s going on here when Garrett doesn’t even give him the tiniest clue?

Unless … Unless Garrett already gave him one … Unless there is a connection between the hickeys and Simons sister … The realization slowly dawns in him.

“You slept with Nora?!” Bram feels like a fool and probably looks totally dumbfounded. At least, he feels that way.

“Whoa, no! I mean, yes but that’s not the point. We’re together.” He eyes Bram nervously.

“Really? Since when? How? I mean HOW?! And why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Well, for the last part: I know how hurt you still are about how it ended with Si and you, and that everything him-related is your soft spot. I wanted to tell you. But at first … Well, it just happened somehow. And I didn’t know where it leads to or if it does lead to anything. I didn’t plan on hooking up with her when I helped her move. It just well … happened.” Garrett blushes.

“Well, the bruises on your neck tell me that for one: Whatever it is, it definitely leads you two into bed.” Garrett blushes even harder and Bram tries to think about an occasion when his best friend was even half as embarrassed about something in the last 15 years but can’t think of one. “And second: She got it bad for you.” There’s a slight pause, then Bram adds: “Whoa … In my mind Nora is still like 16 or something.”

“Nope, she’s 21 now.”

“Holy shit. She can legally drink now?!”

“Yep.”  
Bram lets out an acknowledging whistle. He tries to imagine Garrett and Nora together. How they met again after so many years. If it was weird or if they just clicked. He stops abruptly when his mind travels to how Nora marked him like that. No just no. There are boundaries.

“Did you know that she used to have a crush on Cal, when we were younger?”, asks Bram instead smirking.

“What?! Really when?”, Garrett sets his bottle down on the little coffee table in front of them and leans in eagerly. “Oh, the two will get an ear full tomorrow, that they both had a crush on the same guy!” He chuckles thinking about that.

“Tomorrow? What do you mean?”

“Didn’t Simon tell you? Nora and I usually go to the Farmers Market every Saturday, so he originally wanted to join us. Now, that the two of you will meet, it likely that’s not gonna work out but I’m pretty sure, I’ll see him at some point during his visit. Reminds me of asking: When are you and Simon planning on meeting?”

The words swirl in Brams mind. So, if _Garrett_ is the third person Simon was talking about in his e-mails than … maybe … hopefully … it could be that … Simon is still single. Or at least that he didn’t bring his boyfriend with him on this trip to visit his sister … which would imply that it wasn’t that serious. Bram sighs. He most likely needs something stronger than a beer to calm his nerves. He’s getting pretty anxious thinking about seeing Simon tomorrow.

Garrett waves his hands in front of Brams face: “Hello-o dude, where are you with your mind?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry.”

“You’re already thinking about tomorrow, aren’t you?”

Bram nods. “What were you asking?”

“Where you’re going to meet? And when?”

“Ahm, at 11am in coffee shop that is supposed to be close to your flat … It’s called … aaahm … damn I forgot … Ahmm something with Chloés break?”

“Do you mean Claires coffee break? That’s just two blocks from here. Nora must have advised him to take you there.” Garrett grins. “We go there quite often. You’ll like it.”

“So, uhm, did you talk with Nora about … you know … me texting Si and everything? Like, I mean, she obviously knows that we’ll see each other but … uhm did you tell Nora anything that she might have told Simon about me and my life?”

Garrett takes the bottle from the coffee table and spins it in his hands. “Uhm … Let me think. We see each other quite often and as you know, I talk a lot. But I don’t think you were a particular topic.”

“Okay, good. But do you know, if you know … Simon is seeing anyone …?”

Garrett lifts his hands like he wants to claim his innocence: “I don’t know, dude. And honestly, would it be fair if you knew that about him but he’s no clue about you? I think, it’s better when you each start on ground zero with not much information about each other.” He takes a sip out of his bottle and Bram realizes that his is almost empty. When he’s nervous and has a drink in his hands, he normally chucks rather speedy.

“What do you think will happen, though? Or rather, what do you hope will be the outcome of all of this?” Garrett eyes him eagerly.

That’s a question Bram had been thinking about a lot in the last couple of weeks.

“I try not to hope for everything, really. I try to np expectations.” No expectations, no hurt feelings.

“Fair enough.” Garrett empties his beer. “Oh, shit. It’s already nine! The Thai place is already closed. The only place in walking distance is a pub. It wouldn’t be my first choice but they do serve amazing chicken wings and potatoes wedges there.”

Now, Bram also realizes that his stomach growls.

.

.

.

Today is the day. It’s 9:30 am and he’s awake since 6am because he was too jittery to sleep. His temples are pounding. He already knew that he’ll develop a headache last night and all the beer in the pub didn’t help.

Garrett roasts their toast in a pan because he doesn’t own a toaster. Bram still isn’t getting over this fact. Who doesn’t own a toaster? These things cost like 10 bucks.

Meanwhile Bram is brewing their coffee. He desperately needs own and by the looks of it, Garrett has as much a headache as Bram has. They shouldn’t have stayed until almost 2am. If it were any other day but _the day (!!!)_ , Garrett and Bram would still be sleeping, wouldn’t leave the flat until late afternoon and probably play lots of video games.

They’re still in their pyjamas, so Bram notices some scratches on Garretts forearm. He wants to ask him about them but then decides that he’s way too lazy to bother.

After breakfast, Bram drags himself into the shower and begs that some cold water will fully wake him up and eases the throbbing pain in his temples. Why did they go out yesterday? The water splashes onto him and at first the freaking cold water makes him jump but then, Bram almost enjoys it. It makes his brain kick into gear.

Then he looks at the pile of clothes in front of him. The blue chinos and grey hoodie. Is this really the right choice? He sighs and puts on his boxers and socks and wraps his watch around his wrist. He owns this particular watch since forever and feels naked whenever he doesn’t wear them. Instead of getting dressed, he spends more time than usual styling his hair, brushing his teeth and spraying his regular deodorant into his armpits and his normal perfume onto his neck. He closer examines his reflection in the mirror and is satisfied not to find any pimples there.

A sudden knock on the door snaps him back to the here and now.

“Bram?! Do you plan on staying all day in there? I head two cups of coffee with milk in the meantime. I need to take care of some business, if you know what I mean!” Garrett sounds really urgent.

Within seconds, Bram snatches his pile of clothes from the washing machine and opens the door. The cloud of fragrance escapes through the door with him. Garrett inhales and has to cough immediately.

“Damn Bram! Really? Did you empty the whole aisle of a drugstore in here?”

Bram blushes, maybe he overdid it with the deodorant. He, then, notices that he’s still in his boxers standing in front of an irritated looking Garrett. It’s not like they haven’t seen each other in less attire before, being on the same soccer team throughout high school doesn’t leave much to imagination, but it does feel weird right now.

“I’m just scared of sweating through my clothes and smelling like a monkey. You know how I tend to sweat a lot when I’m nervous.”

“Well, if you transpire too much it might be because it’s still over 20°C outside and you’re going to wear a hoodie.”

“It’s a thin hoodie!”, defends Bram his choice of clothes, although he isn’t fully convinced anymore himself.

“Yeah, but what are you hiding?”

Bram looks at him, his eyebrows in his hairline: “What do you mean?”

Garrett now stands right in front of him and draws a circle with his finger around Brams upper body: “This. Why don’t you give him a taste of _this_? Show him some of the hot and sexy muscles you’ve got.”

That’s so embarrassing. Bram roles his eyes and wonders how Garrett can be not gay. A picture of him and Nora pops up in his mind again. Uagh, he forgot about this part.

“I told you. This isn’t a date. It’s just two guys meeting.”

“Aha yeah, you mean two guys who used to date throughout high school and college, who are still heartbroken and basically didn’t move on since then. Yep, of course no biggie.”

“We broke up in sophomore year of college. You know that.” Bram flinches admitting this.

“Yeeees, but did you have a proper relationship since then? No. So, please do either of the two following things: Use this date to get a final closure and move on. Or make sure to not ruin it for two reasons. First, I’m dating his little sister and I don’t want to get this mingled with a drama between you two and second, one date might lead to a second and so on, and so on. Do you understand?” Garrett watches him carefully.

Bram pushes passed him into the corridor and mumbles: “Didn’t you want to go to the toilet?”

His heart beats heavily in his chest. Of course, this meeting means a lot to him. More than any other date he had in the last few years. But he forbids himself to hope that anything will evolve from this. He doesn’t want to set up any hopes.

No hopes, no disappointments. No hopes, no heart breaks. No hopes, no disaster.

He repeats this mantra while he gets dressed in the living room. He doesn’t care, if Garrett thinks the hoodie is too warm. He feels comfortable in it and he needs every bit of comfort now. His hands get already sweaty just thinking about seeing Simon in less than half an hour. Simon Spier. The one that got away.

20 minutes later, Bram entered the little coffee shop not far from Garretts flat. His friend offered to drop him there before picking up Nora, but Bram declined. He needed the short walk to empty his brain. No hopes, no disappointments.

He pushes the door open and is greeted by the happy chatter of New Yorker people enjoying their Saturday morning coffee. The air is sweet and smells like freshly backed croissants, strong coffee and bread rolls. A young waitress greets him from behind the counter and motions to him to find a table.

The coffee shop is well attended but not over crowded. He scans the tables and within seconds, his eyes land on a breathtakingly beautiful young man.

Simon doesn’t notice him at first, so Bram has a few moments to out-right stare at him. His sand-coloured hair is shorter than it used to be, but it still looks as tousled as always. And he seems to regularly wear his glasses now. A thin-framed brownish frame sits on his cute nose. Bram lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He realizes now that he’s in deep trouble. Simon Spier is _hot_. And _beautiful._ It’s not like Bram didn’t know this before but 24-year-old-Simon is something totally different than high-school-Simon. Even 20-year-old-Simon doesn’t come close to the matured beauty of this.

He can’t take his eyes off him.

Just in this moment, Simon looks up from his phone and stares right into Brams eyes. He gets up and Bram walks the few meters over to him.

“Hi”

“Hey, Simon”

Then, Simon lifts his arms and embraces Bram shortly before he steps back again and glances at him shyly.

It’s weird, Bram thinks, it feels odd to not kiss each other as a greeting. He shakes the thought of and tries to stay in the here and now. It doesn’t matter what they usually did years ago.

“I didn’t order anything yet. So, uh, do you want to check the menu?”, Simon asks quietly.

“You were afraid that I won’t show up?” It’s funny, that Bram still knows, what Simon meant by this remark.

Both blushes. One because he feels caught, the other because he’s worried that his comment came across wrongly.

The young waitress from the counter arrives just in this moment and saves them both from stuttered responses. Simon orders a double Cappuccino and Bram a big milk coffee. She asks if they want to eat something, too, but they deny.

“That reminds me of something.” Simon bends down to his shoulder bag and pulls out a package of Oreos. And not any Oreos. They are the ones with the Halloween orange filling.

Bram can’t but hold back a loud and honest laughter. Still giggling he pulls the very same package out of the kangaroo pocket of his hoodie.

“I, too, thought that one can’t go wrong with Oreos.”

Now Simon laughed, too. It was everything Bram wanted to hear.

They exchange their small presents anyway and Bram feels the tension between them shatter. It’s like a huge weight is lifted of their shoulders and the air is suddenly thinner and easier to breathe.

“So, uhm, how are you?” Bram asks, “and I don’t what the usual small talk ‘I’m good’-answer. How are you, really?”

“Well, uh, I _am_ good. Probably a bit nervous.” He smirks at Bram, “But in general, everything is okay. I’m happy to see Nora. And you?”

Bram notices, how he doesn’t say that he’s great. Something, that he would have said, if he’s in a happy relationship, wouldn’t he?

“Yeah, I’m good, too. And of course, nervous. I can’t complain about life either.”

Their hot drinks arrive and each grab their cup glad that there now is something to hold onto.

“So, Nora and Garrett?” Bram chuckles, “Did you see them together already?”

“Who would have guessed, right? If I had known that it would lead to this, I wouldn’t have asked Garrett to help my sister”, jokes Simon. “No, I haven’t. It’s been a while since I saw her. Back then, she still lived in Boston. And she also kept it a secret for a little while.”

“Did she? Really? Why?” The questions blurt out of Brams mouth. The Spier siblings were always so close.

“Well, apparently, she was worried about my reaction about her dating one of my friends. Alice knew before me and must have encouraged her to tell me.”

“Are you against it, though?”

“What? No. I mean, it is kind of weird. Back in college, Garrett really established himself as a Romeo.”

Bram lets out a snort. Yes, Garrett was really busy discovering himself and his love life in those days. He remembers having many conversations with him about boundaries and consequences. Of course, they fell on deaf ears at first.

“Haha yes, for a while he was a real jerk. But since graduation, he really didn’t do anything stupid anymore. Maybe, he grew up.” Brams cracks up laughing at his last remark. None of them feel like a grown-up yet.

“I really hope, that he isn’t playing with her. Otherwise, I’ll kick his ass.”

“I’ll retain him if needed.”

They smile at each other and Bram is more than glad that they can talk so easily.

He sips his coffee and gazes at Simon over his cup. The green shirt he wears really suits him and complements his eyes. Oh, those stone-grey eyes.

They continue talking for several minutes about the unexpected couple, when suddenly Brams phone rings. He pulls it out of his right back pocket and sees that George calls him. Really now?

Bram looks to Simon and then back to his still ringing and vibrating phone. He curses himself for not putting it on silent mode earlier. Some of the surrounding guests already turn to him, so he quickly answers the phone but because he just wants to end the noise, he instead of pressing the normal answer-button, mistype on to the loud speaker.

“Hey Brami-boy, how are you? I’m in the neighbourhood, are you up for a coffee?”, blares Georges voice through the small café.

Hectically, Bram pulls the device from his ear and fumbles with the display to turn the loud speakers off. He’s super embarrassed. Before George can say anything else, Bram manages to press the right button and answers: “Hey, uh, George. I, uh, am sorry but I’m not even in Tallahassee right now.” He explains quickly that he’s in New York while trying to avoid Simons burning gaze. Why does this have to happen to him?

He ends the call as quickly as possible and puts the phone back into his pocket.

When he finally finds the courage to meet Simons eyes again, his heart skips a painful beat. The open-minded face is gone. Instead a reserved and somewhat cautious expression meets him.

“Your boyfriend?” Simon asks tonelessly and if Bram isn’t imagining things, he’s a couple shades paler around the nose.

“No, no George isn’t my boyfriend. We’re just coworkers.”

One eyebrow of Simon jumps up to his hairline: “Is that so? Did you tell him this, though?” The cool tone of Simons voice sends thousands shivers down Brams spine.

Defensively, Bram holds up his hands and blurts out: “Yes, really. He’s just a little bit clingy.”

Simon just nods. For a second Bram is scared that the other man will just terminate their reunion already.

On the one hand, Bram knows that he hasn’t done anything wrong and that even if George was his boyfriend, Simon has no right to be upset about it. He was the one, who stopped putting enough effort into their relationship back then, for god’s sake. On the other hand, though, Bram really wants another chance with him. He realizes this just now. He really, really wants to give it another try with Simon. He didn’t really lie to Garrett when he said, he doesn’t hope for such an eventual outcome. He just lied to himself before that. For a while, he really believed that this meeting was just to catch up and maybe get a final closure. Oh, how wrong he was. He’ll never get over Simon Spier.

Bram can feel how the mood turned 180 degrees in the last couple of minutes.

“Simon, please. I … I …”

“No, Bram I’m sorry. Somebody calling you by a nickname just caught me on the wrong foot. Please, sorry. I overreacted.”

Simon stretches his right hand out and for a moment Bram thinks that he’s going to caress his hand, but then Simon drops his hands abruptly in the middle of the table.

To hide that he already moved his own hand to meet Simons in the middle, he grabs the sleeves of his hoodie and pushes them up.

Simons eyes automatically land on Brams left wrist and Bram knows what he’ll find there. The watch Simon gave him to his 19th birthday. He wears it everyday and nowadays without even realizing that he’s. He’s just used to it and feels naked without it.

“My watch. You still have it?” Simon looks at him stunned.

“Of course, I still have everything you gave me.”

“Everything? Even the T-shirt?”

Bram feel his cheeks flush. “Yes, _the_ T-shirt, the gifts and even the postcards.” He feels vulnerable admitting this.

Without further warning, Simon bends down to his shoulder bag next to his chair, rummages in it for a little way until he triumphantly pulls out his keys. And with the bunch of keys, Bram spots a familiar object. It’s a little Oreo charm, he gave Simon on their first anniversary. He didn’t know that he still had it.

Maybe, he still means something to Simon after all.

“Uhm”, Simon mumbles, “maybe we should talk? I mean, really talk. About the past and us and you know?” He looks at Bram shyly and all that Bram wants to do is wrap his arms around that handsome young man and wipe that worried expression out of his face.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea …” Bram tries to smile encouragingly but fails miserably.

They watch each other in silent for a second. Each trying to read the other.

After a while Simon inhales deeply and dives into this deep conversation: “So, uhm, let’s get the hard part over with. Why did you ghost on me? And not only on me, on everyone. Do you know how hard it was to explain to Leah and the others, why you suddenly didn’t talk to them anymore? I didn’t know or understand it myself. I thought, we both needed a break from the long-distance thing when we paused things. But then you just disappeared and if Garrett didn’t ensure us that you’re still alive and breathing, we would have led a search party for you. Why did you do this to us? To me?” Simon is close to tears.

But Bram just sits there, stunned. He opens and closes his mouth several times attempting to answer but he’s too astonished to answer.

“Bram … say something, please.”

“I … uh I … I saw the post of you on Instagram with another guy. A handsome guy. And … I don’t know … Something just snapped in my mind and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I loved you so much and then … we … we ended things.” His voice breaks there and he struggles to continue. “When I saw you with this guy, I assumed that he must be your new boyfriend. That you moved on already. After everything that we’ve been through.” He chokes down a huge lump in this throat.

“What photo?” Simons voice is totally hoarse.

“You know, the one with you and this handsome surfer-boy type of guy. You were at a lake of something, eating ice-cream. And smiled like you just won the lottery.” The picture will forever be burned into Brams memory.

Simon stares at him blankly. “Do you mean Richard?” Bram just shrugs his shoulders. He rather prefers not to have a name to that face.

“He was my neighbour in Memphis! And straight as a broom stick. There never was anything between us.” Simon laughs unbelievingly.

“But … You looked so close and happy …”

“Yeah, well we were good friends. We still are. He asked me to be his best man next summer, when he’s going to marry his fiancée.”

Bram can’t believe it. How stupid has he been?

“But why didn’t you try to contact me, Simon? If you were still interested in my life?  
“Bram! You’re kidding me, right? You blocked my literally everywhere. I couldn’t call you, text you, my facebook and Instagram was blocked. And Garrett said that you needed some time. I wanted to give you this. I didn’t expect you to need four years, though.”

“I must have jumped to conclusions …” Bram isn’t in the state to say anything more. He feels like he’s frozen in place. That surfer guy wasn’t his boyfriend. He is straight. Bram can’t believe it. He feels totally numb.

Now, Simon reaches out and pats Brams fingers. After a few seconds, he wants to pull his hand away again but Bram is faster and grabs his fingers and holds onto for dear life.

Simon doesn’t object.

“But like what did you expect? When we said we needed a break and evaluate, where we stand and all … Did you really think I would cop off with someone in the meantime, Bram?”

That’s another question that catches Bram off-guard. They didn’t just agree to have a break. The broke up. He voices his confusion.

Simons eyes widen in shock. “WHAT?!”

“Well, when we were sitting in your kitchen that day. We both agreed on being unhappy with the situation as it was. You didn’t want to fully commit to the long-distance anymore. And I … I just wanted to see you happy. I know you weren’t happy in a long time back then.”

“Yes … but … but Bram! … I didn’t want us to break up then once and for all. I wanted both of us to think about this whole situation. I was thinking about transferring to Gainesville for god’s sake!” Now real tears roll down Simons cheeks. Bram also feels close to crying. Apparently, all his heartbreak was because of a miscommunication. Or lack of any real communication. Them, who always talked about everything, who talked about having their first time together for weeks before they finally went for it, they failed to communicate to each other and ruined everything.

This must be a horrible joke.

In this moment, the waitress appears and tells them that now her shift ends and that she would like to cash up, so her co-worker can start with a clean bill. She assures them that they can stay whatsoever.

The interruption shakes Bram back into reality. His head spins from all these new, or apparently not so new, bits of information. They each pay with more than 10% of a tip. Bram checks his watch and realizes that it’s already 1pm. They’ve talked for two hours straight.

Simon notices how late it has gotten himself and pulls out his phone. There’re three missed calls from Nora. Unlike Bram, he had put his phone on silent mode before entering the coffee shop. “Damn it, I promised Nora to catch up with them, when they’re done shopping in the market.”

Although Bram is a bit disappointed that their meeting seems to be over now, he doesn’t want Simon to fail to spend time with his sister. So, they both get up and leave the café.

Just outside, Simon looks at Bram questioningly: “Uhm … I guess Nora and Garrett are still hanging out in the park next to the market. Do you want to come, too? I mean, you’re visiting Garrett after all.” He winks at the last sentence.

“I’d love to.”

They walk next to each other in silent for the first dozen meters, then Bram rises to speak again: “So, uhm, I noticed that when you answered my e-mail, you did so with your secret e-mail from high school …” He rises his voice like a question in the end.

Simon blushes deeply: “You noticed, huh?”

Bram nods and for some reasons, butterflies jitter in his tummy. There just is this glee in Simons eyes that makes him hope.

“Let’s say … I part of me still hoped for an approach from your side … A huge part actually.” Simons ears and cheeks are read as a tomato and he can’t meet Brams amazed gaze. The ladder just wants to wrap his arms around Simon, squeeze him and never let go again. Then, Simon wants to know why Bram initiated contact after all those years, so Bram tells him the full story, starting from the e-mail he wrote himself when he was 17.

After a while, they arrive at a right traffic light. Bram tenses. When they just started dating, they established the rule that whenever they encountered a red traffic light together, they had to kiss, so no time would be wasted. So many memories flush back to Brams consciousness.

Simon must remember the same.

Because all of the sudden, Bram feels his fingers entangled with Simons. They don’t say anything. They don’t acknowledge this act. They just continue walking when the traffic light changes to green, only now they’re walking hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited that this fic is finally coming to an end! I had a blast writing it and your comments motivated me so much. I hope you like it as much as I do. 
> 
> Tell me, how did you like this fic? In general? And the ending? What do you think about my resolution? Are there parts you don't like and why?
> 
> I DYING to read your comments, so don't hesitate!! 
> 
> (PS: I finished this at 2:30am so please excuse any grammar and spelling mistakes. I'll go over this tomorrow and correct those. But you can still mention in the comments when I did something horribly wrong, just please keep in mind that English isn't my first language.)


End file.
